Name, Yet Nameless
by LOCKandK3Y
Summary: After obtaining severe injuries from a job request, Lucy awakes to the faces of her comrades, safe and sound. But... why is it that her memories contain an unknown man? And why can she not remember the name of her comrade? What memories does Lucy no longer hold?


AN: This is a late submission for Day Two of Graylu Week! I interpreted the prompt "deja vu" a little differently than its original definition of feeling that you've been in a certain situation before. In this story, Lucy loses her memory, and the "deja vu" comes in her regaining them.

I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears and time (lots and lots of time) in the preparation of this story, and I am quite proud of it, so I hope you enjoy reading this.

Named Yet Nameless

I can hear the beating of his heart as my head lays upon his chest, curled up in the soft sheets of my own bedspread, but… why was he here? Why did the room stench of alcohol and where were his clothes?

The lights were turned off, time reading as 2:51 a.m. Why did my mind ache so early in the morning? A groaning pain coursed through my veins as I held his muscles tighter, and I couldn't hold the cries in. My head was not the only thing that felt like torture.

My ribs bled, knees quivering. Oh, Mavis, how the cold tensed my bones so?

From my perch, I can see the snow fall heavily from outside the window, passing by like fairies in the sky. Was it winter already?

I flinched, a pounding tearing me apart like that of a migraine. Tears filled my eyes, agony consuming me.

Why..?

Why did it hurt so much..?

My fingers clinched frostbitten skin, face burying in the under arms of my nakama. Only one thought filled my conscious.

 _Make it stop!_

Through my sobs, I could faintly hear my name being whispered in worry. "Lucy..?"

A warm embrace consumed me, gentle let strong as he soothed me.

This man… I do not know his name… I can hardly remember his face but…

He was plenty more important to me than any other guild member… and I don't know how…

xXxXx

From what I could remember, these agonizing wounds scared my body only after a mission with, who I assumed, Natsu, Erza, Wendy, Happy, Carla… and one other man…

Why can I still not remember who he is, yet my heart constricted at the memory..?

Natsu… When telling the story, he always said the name of the guild who attacked us… the name of the man who did this… but like other things…

I forget…

I cannot remember…

I cannot keep such simple, small words in my memory…

xXxXx

(Two Months Before)

We were infiltrating a guild… A dark guild when the picture gets hazy.

One second, we had all 150 guild members strapped down and ready to interrogate; the next, and my mind began to whirl again.

The flashbacks come broken pictures, never ever a one-flowing scene.

The first picture was distressed. The pale ivory walls of their hiding guild halls wrecked in debris, paint torn and splattered in blood. I remember no sound, except the screeching laughter of a man that must be the masters.

His face held contempt, contorted in a demons grin, eyes locked on the target, bruised and battered straddled under his hips, hands holding the body down…

It was pure horror…

This was the man I could not remember…

His face was always blurred… Hair obscuring his eyes… Skin painted in purple and blue and… red…

I am not sure what had happened to him… For the memory changes once again… another broken picture.

This time… I see myself… anguish filling the air as I scream. The man is no longer there, only I and the guilds master as I charge at him in Taurus' form, tears running down my cheeks.

Pain… All I feel is pain…

I see nothing now after those memories… but I do hear their yelling… their worry…

And only one voice sticks out to me… a small whimper, one only I can hear… from an unrecognizable voice…

"Lucy…"

xXxXx

The next time I awake, I am covered in bandages, my hand is being held and my body placed on a bed within Fairy Tail's infirmary room.

I open my eyes, adjusting to the light with groggy murmurs. Once fully opened, my vision filled with the view of too many faces.

At first, I had no idea of their names, but a tight squeeze to my palm reassured me. Looking towards the one who interlaced their fingers with mine, I saw a man covered in bruises and bandages as well. His dark hair seemed rough yet so soft, it almost lured me to pet him. He wore no shirt, his muscles taught and well developed, chin chiseled. The smile he wore though… his eyes crinkled up in glee, closed upward with tears, smile not just sad, but forced and held with care. Like two parts of the man could not decide whether to be heart-felt or devastated.

His first words to me were, a choked on joke, chuckle lined with grief.

"Ha… It breaks my heart that you can't remember my name, Lucy!"

I soon learned all the names of those that surrounded me, they were all my friends, old faces that weren't truly lost.

Natsu... He was my best friend, a force of pure indifference, but a kind heart kept him grounded from destroying the world.

Happy… He was also Natsu's friend, cute and small, kind but always teasing.

Erza. Cana. Levy. Mira. Master. Jet. Droy. Gajeel. Lisanna. Elfman…

One by one, I recognized all their faces slowly, except one…

This man, he held my hand tight with both of his, smile wide yet eyes pleading. Why could I not remember this one person?

It took only a moment to set in, for his facial expression to change. The once joyful eyes turned clouded in understanding, lips setting in a bitten frown. He bowed his head, turned from me, and with his loose grip, I could feel his body shake.

I must have hurt him, but the truth is… I don't know him…

From that day on, he's been nothing but kind to me. Always smiling, never letting me see the pain I saw when we first met. He would joke, get me to laugh, even go as far as holding my hand when my mind began to wander.

He seemed to enjoy that, touching me.

Sometimes I would feel his eyes linger on me, only to turn and be surprised as he combed through my hair, a terrified look on his handsome face. I didn't mind though, it felt comforting as if it was never the first time.

What I did mind, however, was when he showed up in my house unannounced.

According to him, the team had always came to the small apartment I used to own, without permission, on occasion even Cana and Levy would. It took me off guard, why would anyone enjoy such acts? Maybe that's why I moved into this spacious home instead?

The man… I'm still unable to remember his name, he has told me many times with a crooked smile. Once he even made a lewd comment, stating I only forgot so I could meet him all over again. That wasn't it though, no matter how often I hear it, the name is gone, it can't be retained.

But this man, this nameless nakama of mine… he is the one who brought me to my home when I was released from the infirmary, and he was currently the man who cradled me in bed as my wounds kept aching.

xXxXx

It has been hours since the ice-mage held me, tending to my reopen wounds like he has done many times before. It seemed he had always found a way to be there when I needed him most, and it confused me.

It was daybreak now, the sun just rising as I stood in front the stove top of the kitchen, preparing breakfast for me and my so-called "guest." For some reason, although I now know of the escapades that occurred where I use to live, he was the only one who ever visited. Was he the only one who knew where I lived perhaps?

Taking a chance glance, I saw him through the entry way, his body was turned from me on the couch. It seemed his eyes caught something on top of the fire place as he stared at it longingly, sorrow was the emotion I saw in his eyes. The only emotion he's ever tried to hide from me, yet I stilled glimpsed it every day.

Picking up a plate, I put my question aside, afraid it would trigger another head ache.

"So what are you doing here so early? You don't usually visit at night."

I startle him as I speak. I could see the way his shoulders tense, face scrunching up like he was caught in an act of indecency. This was a look I didn't even see when he stripped, and it worried me.

His attention weighed on me now, jaw slack, mouth slightly open and eyes in myth.

"Y-you can stop staring at me." I grumble, already filling my cheeks flush.

I handed him his plate with upmost care, sitting beside him as I sniffed the air. That stench was still there, it lingered on his body and I could see it as his eyes drooped lower than usual.

I fidgeted though as I watched him place his meal on the coffee table untouched. I knew already that it wasn't the food, every other time I cooked he would gulp down every bite in seconds. This time… he had something on his mind.

He wasn't hiding it either, the melancholy in his eyes, the downward quirk of his lip. He was showing me true emotion, no longer hiding behind a mask.

My trance was lost as I heard the deep baritone in his voice.

"Sorry…" He shook his head, hiding his eyes under his bangs as he placed his forehead on his interlocked knuckles. "It's just… it's a habit. Before, when I drank, you were always the one I came to after, the one that cured my hangover…"

I could hear his voice hitch. He knew and I knew, I had no memory of such… because I couldn't remember anything of him.

Gazing at my feet, my finger nails curled within the hem of my nightgown, my nervousness coming back as I chewed on my lips.

"Can… Can I ask your name again..?"

How horrible am I? No matter the times I hear his name, it was already gone in an instance. To my mind, it was never spoken.

He chuckled bitterly, the same as in the infirmary, as he leaned his head on my shoulder, still not showing himself.

"It breaks my heart that you can't remember my name, Lucy…"

That line it seemed the only thing I could ever remember him say. It always sounded so broken, painful, but there was always an underlying hint to it.

"You and Loke are very close, right?"

"Mmm…" He nodded.

"Is this where you get his overly devoted lines from..."

His breath croaked, unable to answer the question, as he shrugged closer, the silence killing me.

"Gray…. You should keep the name written on your heart…"

I held in the 'eep' at his last sentence, the name gone again. I didn't feel the need to bring this up though, he looked so solemn and alone. I felt it would have broken him to hear me ask again.

Instead I focused on the other comment, blushing profusely. Was this flirting? It did not sound charismatic or provocative at all. But the way he said it, he was serious in the slightest, yet so doubtful.

With this man, although his name never stayed, he always made my heart beat fast.

xXxXx

That nameless man left in the afternoon along with Natsu, Happy and Juvia to take a job request, the first I've ever seen him on. As the other three spoke to Mirajane of the request brief, I noticed the hopeful look he gave me. It was like that of a puppies, his eyes shined clear blue, lips in a hardly noticeable pout.

Unsure of what he was asking, I made my way towards the man, for once he was fully clothed, hands stuffed in his pockets. As I stood face to face with him, his frown turned into a sheepish smile, as Mira and the others watched us.

At his lopsided grin, I couldn't help but laugh myself.

"Going on a request, I see." I smiled warmly at him, my eyes welcoming.

Seeing the look on my face, I could tell he felt more confident, the scratching at his neck halting.

"Yeah… We won't be back for a few days, but I'll be sure your face will be the first I see when we come back." He said these words so smoothly, like they were well practiced, and who was I to say no to such.

"Of course it will!" I proclaim, watching as his mouth gaped open in amazement. "You're always coming to my home, hell, I won't be surprised if I find you in my bed again."

At the mention of such, I could hear Juvia let out an exaggerated sigh and Mira begin to giggle. I've noticed that although the two never minded my situation with this man, they each seemed to have their own different perspective on our banter.

Natsu would always let out a snide grin. Happy would go prancing around the guild hall, yelling nonsense. Mirajane would tease. And Juvia… Juvia always looked so sad. Like watching us pains her, and I believe she might actually care for him deeper than she lets on.

For some reason, it hurts me but I also feel worrying is not the answer.

xXxXx

"Mira, what kind of mission are those three going on?" I asked the barmaid as she prepared a strawberry shake for me.

"Four," she corrected. "You can't forget about Happy!" Mira winked, swiping at the bar top with her hand clothe.

"Oh, right! Happy, Natsu, Juvia and… erm…"

By the end of my words, I looked down in pity, ashamed that I still could not remember that man's name. At my lack of a complete sentence, the take-over mage turned to me, a look of concern on her face.

"Oh, dear… Did you forget his name again…?"

I only whimpered, biting my lip as the sorrow filled me once more.

It sounds immature, maybe even meaningless, but I feel so weak, unable to even remember one name after I've heard it over and over again. My heart constricted for reasons unknown to me, my injuries aching as I attempted to suppress the pain.

"Mira… What is Juvias relationship to that man?"

The question left my lips before I could contemplate it. It was a strange question to ask out of the blue, yet my mind needed to know.

My body shuddered on its own, shivers trailing throughout my limbs for every thought that ran through me. I felt sick, I felt scared, I felt… afraid…

"Juvia? What do you mean?"

"Does she like that man…?"

"She use too," Mira said with caution, a quiver in her voice. Was this something I wasn't supposed to know?

"Use too?" Curiosity got to me as I repeated her words, something clicking in my mind but only making my vision blurry.

I held on to my forehead as she continued on, "Juvia had a crush on him once, but she moved on a long time ago."

"She moved on?"

"Mhmm, there was someone else in his heart, and they were happy together."

"What happened to her?"

"I can't tell you," Mira exhaled quickly, "That's only something he can tell you."

I understood, that was his business, not anyone else's to tell. Yet, I still had so many questions, "So Juvia..?"

"Do you remember Lyon from Lamia Scale? He is an ice-mage just like your _mystery man_." With that, the women giggled, placing newly cleaned glasses on the stand behind her, a smile on her face.

In a fleeting memory, I can fully see a white haired man with beady eyes and chesire smile in a white suit, joy and excitement radiating from his aura somehow. The room he stood in was wide, like a ballroom, full, vibrant, and on his side a woman.

"I think I do…"

"They married each other." Mira held contentment in her eyes, something she only does when she believes two people are meant for each other.

With recognition, I realized who the women beside Lyon was, it was Juvia. Juvia held Lyons arm as they spoke to what I assumed were guest; Juvia wore an eggshell dress, Lyon in his tux. That must have been the day of their ceremony.

"Are Natsu and Lisanna… dating..?"

"…yes? You remember?"

"They're getting married next month… and Gray is living with Natsu…"

Mirajane just stared at me, wide-eyed.

"Why…"

"Why what?"

"Why is Gray staying with Natsu...? Is Lisanna living with them too?"

"It's… a very special situation, Lucy…"

"My… head hurts…" I mumbled, clutching my head tighter.

"Lucy..? Are you okay..?"

I could just barely hear her, feel someone's hand on my arm, yet my vision blurred. My head ached, my wounds threatened to reopen, and… I could just barely remember something before I fell unconscious…

"LUCY!"

 _I was in a blue dress, a man's arm wrapped around my waist as we spoke to Juvia and her husband on their wedding day._

 _Who was that man..? Why couldn't I remember him..?_

xXxXx

"Juvia is worried," the water mage spoke, watching as the flames of their campfire flickered across the night sky.

Beside her sat both Natsu and Happy, Gray far off on the edge of the clearing leaning against a barked tree. Gray had held a glooming sentiment to him, arms folded over bent knees as he contemplated.

"Why?" Natsu thought out loud, looking to Juvia for answers. "We always camp out in the woods, nothing's ever happened before."

"Aye!" Happy exclaimed, munching happily on his fish.

"What if Lucy-san doesn't remember Gray-sama? What if she completely forgets him..?"

Natsu could only swallow at that, turning his way towards the ice-mage who sat alone and disgruntled.

Two months was a long time, too long for anyone.

xXxXx

"Mmm…" I groaned, my body aching and arching off what I assumed to be soft bed sheets.

With my eyes still closed and heavy with dreariness, I could smell the antiseptic in the air, feel as my head rested against a plump pillow, legs entangled in the comforter. I heard timid rustling throughout the room, the moving of small objects, humming of an anxious voice.

With muddled motion, I began to open my eyes, blearing from exertion and drowsy from rest. I could just barely make out three figures, one young and beside my bed, another behind them, eyeing me intently, while the other hummed, picking at medicine in the cabinets with haste.

"My child," a crooked voice grumbled, "Will you please let those trinkets be. It won't help the girl anymore."

"I'm sorry," the humming stopped, Mira's lulling voice finally coming back to me.

"What happened…?" I mumbled out, hoarse and out of breath, as I focused my sight on both Wendy and Polyusica.

"Lucy!" Mirajane cheered, running to my side. "I was worried about you!"

"You've been unconscious for most of the day," Wendy explained. "Your wounds reopened and I had to heal them again."

"This wasn't the first time today, was it child?"

At first, I was going to deny her question before I remembered finding that person lying in bed with me.

"No… my wounds opened early this morning. Someone else helped me to bandage them."

"You should have told me sooner," Wendy almost yelled, her hand automatically reaching for mine.

I could see the worry in her eyes, the tremble of her lips as tears began to accumulate in her eyes.

"I… I don't know why this keeps happening, but… I just want you to be okay…"

The dragon slayer sniffed, and I knew she would cry soon, but what could I do? I didn't know why either.

This time, Polyusica was the one to break the silence, her tone thorough and stern, yet calculating.

"Mira told me that you were beginning to remember things before you had gone unconscious, is that correct?"

In that instant, as my eyes met Mira's, I was left unspoken. The memory had swept through my mind once more.

 _Juvias marital kiss with Lyon._

 _Lisanna's loving tears while Natsu was on his knee._

 _A kiss to my forehead…_

"Yes… I remember some things…" I murmur, a shakiness in my bones.

 _Soft giggles, and a kiss to my cheek… then my neck… and so forth…_

"Do you remember Gray..?" Mira asked, a hopeful smile on her face.

I don't remember hearing that name before, was it something I should have remembered? My brain was huddled in confusion, trying to remember that word. Wasn't grey a color? It seemed that wasn't what she meant though.

I shook my head, feeling displeasure as I heard a ringing in my ear.

xXxXx

According to the others it was night fall already, they had wanted to walk with me home, but I felt the need to be alone. Mu steps were the only ones to be seen as I trudge the empty streets. Passing by many lamp lights, I noticed not a single window glowed.

It must have been far into the night, everyone sleeping soundly with their families. That word ripped at my heart; though I couldn't remember everything, I still have the memories of my mother dying from illness, and the words still lingered from the learning of my father's death. I had no family, I was alone.

" _Teh! What are you talking about, Lucy? You'll be my family!"_

For some reason, that line resonated in my ears, repeating it's self like a heartwarming mantra. The voice was rough and rugged, welcoming and bonding, fond of me. The voice made my heart thump, and my cheeks flush, almost the same as when that man laid his head on my shoulder.

I smiled at the clear thoughts, rounding another corner as the house came to view. Another thing that boggled me, I could never call the house mine. It was incomplete, like another body should be sleeping there with me.

Reaching for the keys to the door, I had realized my ribs no longer hurt. The pain subsided, the ache missing though the air was still cool, snow laid out on every tree.

Winter… I liked the season. I felt at home in the cold.

Twisting my key in the lock, I had opened the door, my heart warm like the heat of the house. I relinquished my coat in the hall, making my way towards the living room where I took off my wool hat. I sat on the couch, eyes traveling the spacious room for the first time as I untied my boots. I had one nearly off until I noticed a peculiar item in my view…

My gaze lingered upon the object, hands gingerly stripping the shoes off my feet rather quickly. With each moment, the wonder piqued my interest.

" _Hey, Lucy! Come here!"_

The first boot was off, my fingers working to untie the other as I began to feel anxious.

" _You're so beautiful…"_

Shoes strings woven completely out, I began to pry the boot off, knee to my chest in hurry.

" _Welcome home!"_

" _This is your house?"_

" _Not anymore, I want you to live with me, Lucy!"_

It was gone in an instance, thrown out of sight as I held determination in my eyes. I sat up straight, gaining leverage on my feet in no time as I headed towards the fireplace, focus never leaving sight.

" _You love me right?"_

" _Of course, I do."_

My hand touched at the small frame that stood above the fire place, inside it held a picture of a dark haired man holding a blonde haired women close to his chest. Both were joyfully smiling in each others arms, eyes closed in bliss.

I picked the photo up, holding the frame in my hand, staring longingly at the man.

He looked so familiar, someone I may have seen daily. Dark hair, his muscles taught and well developed, chin chiseled, smile…

 _I saw him through the entry way, his body was turned from me on the couch. It seemed his eyes caught something on top of the fire place as he stared at it longingly, sorrow in his eyes._

" _It breaks my heart that you can't remember my name, Lucy…"_

With a gasp, the frame had fallen from my grip, glass now spread about the floor.

"Oh, no! Oh, no!" I scrambled to the ground, picking each piece up with care.

My eyes strayed to the photo left uncased though. With gentle hands, I picked it up again. This time the photo was slightly wrinkled, small shards gliding off as I lifted it in the air.

"Gray…"

 _The pale ivory walls of their hiding guild halls were wrecked in debris, paint torn and splattered in blood. I could hear the screeching laughter of the masters, my stomach churning at the horror that was to be continued._

 _The masters face held contempt, contorted in a demons grin, eyes locked on the target, bruised and battered straddled under his hips, hands holding the body down…_

 _Holding Gray down…_

 _His face was torn, struggling to breathe… Hair obscuring his eyes… Skin painted in purple and blue and… red…_

 _The master kept his assault at the younger mage, digging the heel of his boot into Gray's skull, eliciting a blood curdled cry._

" _Argh!"_

" _Gray!" I felt the tears prickle at my eyes, angst filling me whole, as I stood frozen. "Stop! You don't need to do this! We'll let you free! Just please stop!"_

" _Not today, girly." The burly man grinned, stabbing a dagger deep into Gray's thigh._

" _Augh!" This time blood spluttered from his mouth, as he lay nearly motionless._

" _Gray! Gray!"_

" _Do you want me to kill him, sweetheart?" The master sickly spat, lifting himself from the body on the ground._

 _My voice trembled, "N-no… You wouldn't!"_

 _Within that last second, he stood in front of me, grinning maniacally. Anguish filled the air as I scream, my body falling limp to the ground besides Grays. Even in Taurus form, I was no match for him; the master no longer there._

" _Lucy…"_

My heart beat fast, I couldn't catch my breath. Before I knew it, water lay on the photograph of us, my face flushed and tear streaked.

He's been beside me all this time…

And I couldn't remember…

I truly did break his heart, and now mine was broken too…

I held my mouth, bit my lips trying not to scream out as I muffled my cries.

This. This is the thing that he was staring at that morning. This was his house and his home just as much as it was mine.

xXxXx

I haven't told Mirajane yet, but it's been three days since my memories of Gray came back and my wounds have begun to heal. I've remember everything about him, from our first meeting to our first kiss.

I remember the day he invited me to live with him; the autumn breeze that roamed the air when we had taken that picture together. I remember saying "I love you", sharing kisses, hiding our whispers from Natsu.

I remember the day of Juvia's wedding, Gray being Lyon's best man. His arm wrapped around me as we congratulated the couple. When Lyon had asked Gray about us tying the knot.

Even after Natsu had proposed to Lisanna, I realized we weren't married, just two people happily in love. Even then, Natsu had laughed in Gray's face. I didn't find it strange though.

We were the last to get together, I found out. Natsu and Lisanna had been together five years, Juvia and Lyon nearly the same. Me and Gray though…

It would have been three years…

Shaking the saddening thought from my mind, I remembered what Mira told me earlier in the day as I placed my keys on the dresser in the hallway. She had said that Natsu and them would be coming home tomorrow afternoon.

I would finally be able to see Gray, without hurting him this time.

While making my way to the kitchen, my knee had bumped into the dresser, dropping something from one of its hallow shelves. Turning I noticed it to be a velvet box with a gold trimming.

"I don't remember wearing jewelry…"

Squatting, I picked it up with interest, my palm gently caressing it. Anxiously, I cropped opened the lid, astonished at the ring it withheld.

Inside lay a simple gold band, twisted into an infinity sign at the center, written inside in cursive lettering was my name.

"He was… going to propose…"

xXxXx

The next morning, I sat at the bar with Levy and Lisanna by my side. Both chattered away about the celebration to come, talk of flower arrangements and aisle seating.

My mind was elsewhere though, as much as I would have loved to join their conversation, I still lingered on my findings from last night.

A pout lay on my cheeks, stomach twisted in discomfort. Would Gray still love me after all the pain I caused him?

I wouldn't want to be with someone who forgot about me. All this time, I knew he was upset, but I never considered that it was more than me just forgetting his face and name.

I felt guilty as I should biting on my lip as Natsu's voice rumbled through the guild, the doors nearly knocked off its hinges.

"WE'RE HOME!"

Facing the commotion, I saw him. The man I couldn't remember for so long; the man I hurt so much.

Gray…

He was hunched over, Natsu and Juvia being his aid to walk, he was battered and bruised even more so than the other two. Happy was the first to greet me, flying into my chest like usual as he complained that Natsu wouldn't let him have fish.

My train of thought left the exceed though as I caught eyes with Grays, his tired blue orbs staring straight into mind.

I put Happy down on the barstool, Levy and Lisanna becoming silent as they took in my stature. Rising to my feet, my eyes never left his as I gulped down my insecurities. With hesitant steps I stood before them, my nose crinkled in remorse and eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"Lucy…" He murmured, concern lacing in his tone as he attempted to stand on his own.

"Gray…" I struggled, sobs clawing at my every being.

"I'm so sorry!" I wailed, throwing myself at him, clinging to Gray. Clinging to the man I forgot, the man I fell in love with.

"I'm so sorry…" I whimpered, shrugging closer as I felt his arms wrap around my body.

"L-Lucy…" I heard him choke, my name just barely leaving his weakened voice.

We stayed that way, crying into each other's arms, heart and soul reconnecting, trying to make up for all the time we lost.

"Y-you remembered..?"

"I remembered..!"


End file.
